C F D s, Center of Fake Disease Control, new and improved recommendations for wearing masks, and other tasks, to prevent the spread of Covid 19 & Covid 19 1/2.
The incompetent medical advisor, Dr. Fuckwad, to the equally deranged self appointed President, Pedi Biden, has been heard publicly saying it is common sense to increase the rules of wearing masks to prevent the spreading of the old, new, and improved COVID-19, indicating the masks never worked.
C F D wants the public to be very aware that we do NOT agree with any words this doctor has slurred out with a smile, including his statement that he doubles his mask when he leaves home. Note that he says this in a room full of cameramen and reporters, while smiling without wearing one. CFD also takes full credit to be the only organization in the scientific field to have warned people not to wear the mask, since there are more risks to catching cancer than the risk of catching the corona virus when not wearing it. The CFD will take full acknowledgement and praise for being fully accurate of the uselessness of the mask.
# 1- Do not trust Dr. Fuckwad
#2- Do not listen to Pedi Biden, and his holier than thou self appointed judge and jury over everyone's lives, communist clan, who are currently in seats of the government illegally.
#3- It is the C F Ds further recommendation not to believe any physician who smiles while diagnosing your symptoms should you find a possibility of being exposed, if not last year, then all the years between now and your 50th birthday, when you are most susceptible to all the new and improved covid 19s that are on the way. The silver lining is that the purge of anyone willing to be tested who is 50 years old or older will get twenty more years to worry about Covid and its effects (homelessness, depression, isolation, financial ruin and more) than the society in the movie Logan's Run'. If you never heard of it, then you are from the generation idiocracy. It is a movie, and CFD recommends you watch it as soon as you can. Do what your generation does best, google it. CFD is not your personal index of life!
#4- Do not trust or listen to anyone who smiles while talking about Covid, yet wears a mask while driving alone in their car with the windows rolled up, or answers the door in a mask, or whose pets wear masks, or goes on a date wearing a mask, or brings their gun to the store while wearing a mask. We hope, but are not expecting, that the gov't officials will follow their own advice and wear it until the masks melt onto their faces, closing the lips, rendering them unable to speak again. (We ask that you join us in a united 'closing government officials' lips forever' prayer vigil tonight at 9pm).
#5- Do not seek out a doctor unless it is a dire, well acquainted with ailment, if you are over 50 years of age. CFD recommends diagnosing yourself and Google 'old wives remedies' first.
#6- Since everything may get even more isolated, CFD also recommends watching these movies.
The Devil's Advocate,
The Midnight Meat Train,
The Purge: Election Year,
If you follow these recommendations, you can skip the phase of 'wondering if the Truthers have a point?' You may recognize the Truther by what the CIA had, so affectionately, invented to describe them, and you may still call them, 'Conspiracy Theorist.' However, the CIA needs to coin another description, since most 'theories' have long been proven accurate. Now you can jump into the wake up phase, which the CFD cautions will cause irrational behavior due to the sudden sense of dread and panic. We are glad to have you aboard! (Panic and dread are only temporary side effects)
#7. Dr. Fuckwad believes there is urgency to wear three layers of masks, while he publicly says in the same discussion, on the same day, how the public will see a rapid decline just as soon as the third stimulus money goes out.
#8. CFD recommends you, nor any family member, coworkers or persons in a public or private area of life that you associate with frequently, under any circumstances never, ever, drool. One respiratory droplet is enough to start this all over again.
It is possible Pedi-Biden will test the love of babies in America by Americans. There is a new bill being drafted which states that to defend a baby's life is careless and selfish, compared to the countless people who now have to wear two masks per each crying, breathing, drooling infant. In Pedi Biden's own words, 'Come on man, when will you unite with us in love? Your babies will be heroes' or... 'POW's who will be traded with Mexican children, and sent over the border, where no infection has started, as far as my administration knows....' CFD advises that you write to your local congressmen to ask 'who are these POW's and why do we have them since there is no war in America?' Furthermore, why are they trading them for children?' CFD understands it does no good, but harassing them relieves the stress you are under due to the Covid-19. Have some fun with your letters.
# 9. Cover your entire mouth and nose as if you are ready to rob the nearest bank. Tell your teenagers to be creative and think up live action games, like 'hanging pirates' or 'Mob Justice,' to bring over to anyone's home who still believes Biden/Kuntila have managed a better country than Trump had.
#10. CFD recommends drawing a line at wearing an outdoor sports mask or helmet in addition to wearing the mask. Also wearing a ski mask, helmet, scarf and neck gator to suppress the covid spit we have heard of people doing, though have never seen anyone actually do it. When deciding these major issues facing us, such as, "Wear a mask?" or "Wear two masks?" CFD expects everyone to follow our advice and be selfish, as selfish as you can be!
Thank you fellow Americans, and together in unity we will surpass this crisis and come out victors... or victorias, depending on what the next bill tells us we can be. Godspeed. Don't forget to join us in the 'closing goverment officials lips forever' prayer vigil tonight at 9pm. There is no need for a permit, since we will remain at home during the event. Look for us streaming live on facebook!
Update: There is now a war in Ukraine. It is highly recommended that anyone who wears a mask or two fly over to Ukraine and offer your life while elevating your status to 'HERO' in your hometown, as you valiantly join the front lines to help out the Ukrainians! Your family will be financially secure, supporting themselves with your future stimulus checks.